unabletoanswer (unabletoanswer) wrote,

[Fanfic] Fancy meeting you here (Hetalia/Discworld AU)

Title: Fancy meeting you here
Author: unabletoanswer
Characters/Pairings: Germany, Hungary, Prussia, a mention of Austria. Unrequited (or is it?) Prussia/Hungary.
Rating: The highest this could possibly go is PG.
Warnings: Alternate universe (Discworld)
Summary: Gilbert runs into some familiar people in Ankh-Morpork.

“Can you just hand over the money,” the shopgirl said. Or rather, ordered. This man was beyond requests. If she continued using requests to hurry him up, he was likely to reside in the store.

“So I thought, Pseudopolis, not such a bad place, is it? Then I heard from some guys at a pub in Quirm – a real Disc-trotter I am, and they were fun, those two, wouldn’t mind bumping into them again, and, oh that beer there was good, but obviously not the best I’ve had, heh– that they heard Ankh-Morpork’s the place to be. Now, ever since I got here, I didn’t know how long I was gonna stay. I mean, is this really my kind of place? But then I met you. You had me at “I can see you stuffing that birdseed into your pocket”. And now I...don’t look at me like that, I’m a customer. The only one now. I’m sure you’ll get even more customers when they see the awesome me shopping here.”

“Or maybe you’ll scare them away,” she sighed. He seemed to take it as a joke. His laugh was nothing short of obnoxious. Possibly in excess of obnoxious, she thought. It sounded like “kesesesese”...

When he stepped into the store, she couldn’t help but notice the resemblance. The very, very close resemblance. It wasn’t impossible find hair that light and even those reddish irises, but she had seen them on the same person only once before. And this one here looked exactly like that narcissistic idiot from a couple of years ago, just a couple of years older. Though the yellow bird perched on top of his head was new. It tweeted at her.

She hoped it wasn’t him, and that he wouldn’t recognise her. Fortunately, he didn’t recognise her. But she still withheld her name as an extra precaution. Strangely, he didn’t tell her his name either. Unfortunately, although there wasn’t a shortage of obnoxious people anywhere, judging by that laugh, it was definitely him.

“The only thing for them to be scared of is me being so much awesomer than them. But, remember, awesome sells. You’ll get more sales with it.”

“I’ll be sure to tell Miss Speaker. Do you intend on paying for your purchase?” she asked through gritted teeth.

“Is there a chance I could avoid that? Are you open to any alternative payment? How about I take you out for drinks instead?” He grinned and placed an elbow on the counter. She smiled at him. “Yes!” he beamed in his thoughts, “Say yes!” He didn’t know it was meant to be a condescending smile. But even if he did, he would have argued that it was genuine, deep down, and she was in denial.

Alternative payment? Any alternative payment? There was a man who visited the store sometimes, wore glasses, liked to dress formally. Never actually bought anything, though. The first time he wandered in he was looking for a music shop but got lost. At first he was sure it was still around somewhere, his sense of direction was just so bad he couldn’t remember where it was, but after a few attempts he decided it was easier to accept it disappeared into thin air. He still dropped by once in a while for a chat on slow days. She liked having someone to talk to when she was alone at work (unless it was this person in front of her now), even if he got a bit technical about music. He came across as austere, but she thought he was nice, deep down, and he was just being awkward.

If he were in the store now, she might have asked them to make out for her for a discount on the birdseed. It was a guilty pleasure. But then again, she wasn’t sure she’d want to subject innocent third parties to too much “awesome”...would she?

“Sorry, no. I think we’ve been talking for quite a while now, and I’ve already said this more than once, but if you want that birdseed, you need to pay for it. If you’re not going to, put it back.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll pay. Here.”

Odd, she thought, that it ended just like that. As he turned around, she looked at the money he gave her. She looked at it closely. Then, she put it down on the counter.

He was more than halfway to the door by now. She pulled out a frying pan from below the counter. It wasn’t the first time she’d done this. The effect was always temporary, she ensured, but it lasted long enough.

The young watchman walked towards Pellicool Steps purposefully, his purpose being a last look at the area before going for a drink. It would be his first drink as a watchman, and firsts aside, he really wanted a drink anyway. He had immigrated to Ankh-Morpork from Uberwald not long ago, and the Watch was recruiting. Another one in the Watch was certainly welcome, and they approved of his attitude towards work. So he took the job.

Through the window of a pet shop, he witnessed what looked like either attempted homicide or a strange way of cooking. Murderers sure were creative. He stood still. “What exactly did my superiors say I should do?” he thought. “Always pay your tabs at The Bucket,” his memory helpfully recited. No, not that. He ran into the shop while there was still an “attempted” before the homicide.

The woman stood over the man, poised to hit him on the head with a frying pan yet again. Before the watchman could say anything, the man lying on the floor, apparently still conscious, virtually jumped up to hug him.

“LUDWIG. LUDWIG! LUUUDWIIIG!!!” How he could hug the watchman with such force after being hit with a frying pan was beyond anyone.

“...gmbht...mmf...Gilbert? I think we could have this reunion later, I need to question the lady who just assaulted you. Or tried to kill you.” The yellow bird perched on his helmet.

“Luuudwwiiiiigg...oh, that wasn’t assault, love just hurts. Don’t arrest her, she’s a sweetheart. We’re going out tonight. Reminds me of someone I used to know, too. The frying pan’s becoming a popular weapon, I guess. Except he was a he, and she’s a woman. That there is Gilbird, and I sure hope that helmet isn’t hard to cle-“

“Your...” the woman said, waving in Gilbert’s direction.

“Brother,” Ludwig clarified.

“Yes, he paid me with counterfeit money. Bad counterfeits.”

She handed him the bills and coins. The coins were coin-shaped and sized, but you could still tell they were once metal buttons. The bills were sloppily printed.

“And why did you attack him with a frying pan?”

“It doesn’t seem like the best idea now, but I only wanted to knock him out before reporting him to the Watch, to stop him from getting away.”

“May I have your name?”

“Er,” she turned a shade paler, “Elizabeta Héderváry.”

Gilbert laughed. “I meet my brother, and someone who looks like Eli from Borogravia, if he was a girl, both in Ankh-Morpork.” He continued laughing, desperately trying to keep himself from falling over. “Same surname too...the place to be, they said...kesese...Ankh-...kese...Morpork..." He was nearly out of breath.

“Both of you are coming with me to the Watchhouse.”

Gilbert was staggering about the store, trying to catch his breath. He hit his head on a shelf and passed out.


05/09/12 - Some time ago I thought of writing a sequel to fix the plot hole(s), but as you can guess, I haven't written it. I stopped keeping up with Hetalia fandom last year, just interested in Volume 5 translations now, but maybe I will continue this someday. Just don't get your hopes too high...if anyone will hope in the first place.

De-anoned from the kink meme, the request was "Ensemble - Discworld". (Request and fill here.)

Sorry to the OP that Prussia's not quite "amazing" here. I'm sure this is just one of the very few times he failed. And also for the lack of Death and Mac Nac Feegle.

This is the first fill I've posted properly on the kink meme (though now I think I should have posted 1b as a reply to 1a), and my only major technical mistakes were leaving out an "l" in Pellicool and a stray "Morkpork" (but the writing and plot are still very questionable).

I think I misread some of the comments when I replied, since I've made it clear in the title that it was a one-shot. Or maybe I'm misreading my own reply? What I meant was I'd like to continue this, but at the moment I don't think I can.

Feel free to point out any mistakes/anything that sounds weird (like...the whole thing). I'd like to be corrected.

Anyway, about the fic itself:

The music shop that disappeared is the one from Soul Music. Roderich found some very interesting scores there by composers he's never heard of (in this universe).

Eli from Borogravia - I admit I haven't read Monstrous Regiment, but that was meant to be a reference to female crossdressers from Borogravia.

The shop they're in is Grace Speaker's pet shop at Pellicool Steps. Haven't finished Unseen Academicals, but I've read the first mention of the shop. I wonder what the kittens think of Gilbird? (...I should have put that in.)

"Another one in the Watch was certainly welcome". I haven't decided the full meaning of this line, partially because I haven't read enough relevant Discworld canon to elaborate (unless I decide that line has no further meaning). I have a vague idea that Gilbert was forced to leave Uberwald, and Ludwig stayed, but went to Ankh-Morpork after some time.

...The end.
Tags: fanfic, hetalia
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